Letting go...

The school year is winding down and it's time to say good-bye to a lot of my students. The end of the year is always a mix of emotions for me. I am so happy to see some of my students moving on to the "real world".  I share in their celebrations of college acceptance letters, scholarships, and the feeling of accomplishment as they finally graduate from high school. I also know that I will miss them. Many of my students have been in my class for multiple years, and they have become my children. They promise to keep in touch, and many do, but it's sad to see them go. It's hard to let go.

The end of the year is also a big transition for my own children. Summer means no more daycare, time to stay home with Mommy, and a whole new set of rules. Although my kids go to a great preschool, their rules are not the rules of our home. The first few weeks of Summer are always tough as my children and I get used to each other again. This transition is always the hardest for me.  I hate the feeling that I don't know my children well. They are so accustomed to their school schedules that being home tends to be stressful. At school, everything is fair game to play with. At home, they hear "no" too often. At school, they have a classroom of friends their own age to play with. At home, a 2 & 4 year old have to learn to share and play together. We have created a play room in our home, so that the kids have a space that is theirs. I thought this would be great and would greatly decrease the need to constantly tell the kids "no". What I didn't expect was that the windowsill would become a race track, the back of the couch a springboard, and toy organizer a ladder. In my attempt to not have to tell my kids "no", I created a whole new set of "no's". It's hard for me to understand the minds of little boys. I don't see the fun in jumping off the back of the couch. I don't understand the joy of crashing trucks into walls. I definitely do not comprehend why it's so much fun to run outside and pee in the grass! My goal for this Summer is to let go.  I need to let go of my notions of what is fun, and learn what my kids enjoy. I need to let go of my attempt to not say "no", and create clear rules that still allow for fun. And I need to remember to take a deep breathe every once in a while, and just let go of the stress.

Just call me Mom

I'm new to blogging. To be honest, this is my first blog. Several of my students told me I should write a blog, and since teenagers know everything, I figured I should follow their advice. I guess I will start with a little about me. I'm a Mom. I let that simple, amazing, distinct word define much of who I am. I will never forget the first time one of my own, biological children called me Mom... I never thought a single word could sound so wonderful. Before I gave birth to my own children, I played the role of a Mom to many. I can't say that I remember the first student who called me Mom, but it's been an honor to be considered in that role. You see, I'm also a teacher. I teach high school students in a school that, to be blunt, does not have some of the best students. The majority of our students live at, or below poverty level. Many of these kids come from less than ideal home situations, and many of them have parents that are young, absent, disinterested... the negative adjectives are endless. When they step into my class, they are my own. I take my responsibility to educate them seriously. I am required to educate them on specific subject matter, but I feel a need to educate them about life skills as well. I also feel the need to protect them. Some of my students go home to nightmare situations. I wish I could protect them 24/7 from the issues they face, but for one hour a day, I protect them, nurture them, and teach them.  Most think of teachers as someone who sits behind a desk and grades papers. I feel bad for those people because it means they never had a good teacher. I've been cried on, yelled at, been given words of gratitude, and hate. I've been a mediator, a referee, held hair while they've puked, and held hands while they faced their fears. I've handed out diplomas, administered detentions, and witnessed arrests. Most stay at home Mom's have an idea of what I do on a daily basis. Being a Mom is the hardest job anyone will ever have. Now try being a Mom to over 100 teenagers. Then try going home and being a Mom to a 2 & 4 year old. This is my life, and I love every minute of it.